me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
