How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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