Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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