Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
