yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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