im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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