She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
