i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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