Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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