I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
