thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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