I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
