I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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