As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
