i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
