My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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