did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
