I want to stick my p in your. b.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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