Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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