dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
