You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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