please come you make the beer taste better
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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