Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
