The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
