I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
