the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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