if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Damn victory sex feels great
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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