I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
