he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
