How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
