Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
