And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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