what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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