Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
