she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This is classic penis vs brain.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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