It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
