when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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