Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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