I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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