so that wasnt chicken after all
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
