i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
