i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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