just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
