I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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