I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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