Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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