Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
