Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
