Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
