i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
