I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
