I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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