is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
