Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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