did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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