Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize