We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
