All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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