I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
