HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
