I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
