We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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