Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
